"It was shocking to see that we all look like broken and crumbled dolls at death."
“At that moment, I felt a void in my whole body”
"He did not pressure me, he helped me to understand the situation"
Helen Vomak: "I'm British. From 1985 to 2015 I worked in Moscow for 30 years. I worked for Reuters, The Independent, The Times (London) and Fairfax (The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age of Melbourne). I am the author of "The Ice Walk - Surviving the Soviet Break-Up and the New Russia" (Melrose Books, 2013). I live in Budapest. At the moment, I am writing a scientific article at the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) studying how refugees from Afghanistan, the Middle East and Africa adapt to their new lives in Europe.”
Helen Vomak is one of the live witnesses of the Khojaly genocide on February 26, 1992. Helen Vomak, an employee of the famous British newspaper Independent, visited Azerbaijan in connection with the Khojaly genocide, witnessed the atrocities committed by Armenians against Azerbaijanis and made articles in the press about it.
Eurasia Diary presents the interview given to HafizTimes.
- How do you remember Khojaly?
- It was a very painful experience, when the truth gradually came to light.
"All wars are terrible and there are always faults of both sides."
- But moving from Moscow to the war zone was not easy. The Armenians and their diasporas abroad had a higher level of relationship with the media. So it seemed that we, the journalists, were more interested in Armenia.
We heard a terrible incident in Khojaly. My job was to find out if there was whether a military or a civil war that killed civilians.
We finally got there at about midnight. An Azerbaijani escort first took us to a Mosque in Aghdam instead of taking us to a hotel. There were four dead bodies in terrible shape.
This action of Azerbaijanis was not very rational and logical in terms of professional PR ”
- At that time we were very tired and worried. On the other hand, it was hard to believe those four bodies were victims of massacre.
"But the fact that PR was so primitive made me think that the Azerbaijanis were telling the truth."
- The next day, people gathered in front of the Mosque to look for their relatives. Many of them were missing in the mountains. We went to the cemetery. I saw women crying out next to at least 75 newly digged graves. Some of the graves were adorned with dolls. There we learned that children and young people were buried. The train wagons at the railway station were converted into an ambulance. I interviewed the doctors and the wounded patients there.
And it became clear to me that there was indeed a massacre committed against civilians in Khojaly. Earlier, in the 1988, during earthquke, I wrote with a fondness for Armenians.
"But this time it was my duty to spread the information that the Khojaly victims were Azerbaijanis."
“I told them what I saw. I also base my notes on that. But in general, I am neutral and balanced in the Nagorno-Karabakh issue. I have no idea about the current situation. Because I have not been following this conflict since then.”
- What else did you seen in Khojaly?
I saw four bodies in the Mosque; a crowd searching for relatives, women crying over at least 75 new graves in Aghdam cemetery and wounded ones in train wagons…
- What has been most affecting you in Khojaly?
- We had a long chat with an Azerbaijani journalist on the bus. Unfortunately, I do not remember the name. But I remember his intelligence, his compassion and his determination. Thus, the world would learn the truth. He did not pressure me, he helped me understand the situation…
- How did you feel when you saw the bodies of people and children killed by Armenians with special brutality?
- I was very impressed when I saw dead bodies. The only body I had ever seen was my grandmother, who slept comfortably in the coffin and i was 36 at tht time. It was shocking to see that we all looked like broken and crumbled dolls at the time of death…
- I also learnt that there were children among those buried in the cemetery. It was sad to hear the voices of the women screaming at the graves… It was upsetting to hear the stories of relatives and thosed who were injured and missing in the mountains. At that moment, I felt the void in my whole body. I was doing my job. I kept myself somehow. But when I got home, I fell on the ground…
- How did the terrible event you saw in Khojaly affect your personal life?
- When I returned to Moscow I was diagnosed with pneumonia. Then I began to experience psychological problems. It is not appropriate for the war correspondents talk about it. But the trauma affects us as well.
- Seeing that death is so close made me think about my own death. At first I was afraid to fly. Then I was afraid to go on the train. I started drinking on airplanes to make me feel at ease. But I realised that this won't be the solution for a long time. Because if you are scared for three hours on a short flight, you can't fight the fear for 18 hours. In the end, the body simply surrenders and relaxes.
- An Azerbaijani soldier escorting you to Agdam told you: “You come here, you show sympathy. But we know you'll write different things when you leave." Did that soldier tell the truth? What do you want to say to him years later?
- I understand it. He expressed his feelings honestly. I hope I didn't hurt her…
- Do you want to visit Azerbaijan again?
- At that time I went to Baku only to get to Agdam. But I know Baku is a beautiful city. I would like to visit Azerbaijan if I have the opportunity.
Translated by Elnur Enveroglu
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